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I know it's a bit late, as this little tid-bit of information should certainly have come well before today, but I rather enjoyed reading it this morning, so I wanted to share with all of you. Plus, it is very possible this might come in handy on other occasions as well, if nothing else, maybe we can all remember it for next year.
How to Survive If You Have No One To Kiss On New Year's Eve1. Kiss a pet. Dogs are generally agreeable and have clean mouths. Cats are usually well groomed but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed.
2. Kiss yourself. Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close, and kiss. Keep your lips slightly parted. Do not attempt to use your tongue. Wipe the mirror after you have completed your kiss. You may also try kissing the back of your hand.
3. Hug a pillow. Full-body pillows are more satisfying.
4. Call a friend on the phone. After you wish your friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses.
What more can I add to that...it's all there. Happy New Year!
-Chel
In preparation for the upcoming turkey feast, I felt the following information might come in very handy.
How to Extinguish A Burning Turkey
 1) Close the oven and broiler doors. Turn off the oven. 2) Open nearby windows. Smoke will pour out the oven vent. If possible, close the doors to the kitchen to contain the smoke. 3) Wait five minutes. Ovens are designed for high heat and should contain the fire without a problem. Keep the doors closed to avoid adding oxygen to the fire. 4) Open the oven door slightly. After five minutes, the turkey fire should have burned itself out. If it is still burning, close the door immediately and wait several minutes before opening the door again. If the fire continues to burn for more than ten minutes, call the fire department (and then go out to eat). Happy Cooking! -Chel
How to Survive If You Fall Into A Cesspool
Because you never know...
 1. Get out quickly. In cases of falls into cesspools and septic tanks, the most common cause of death is asphyxiation from methane gas. The gas causes rapid unconsciousness; deaths in as few as two minutes have been recorded.
2. Hold your breath for as long as possible between taking breaths.
3. If you cannot climb out, give one loud shout for help. In-use tanks and pools will be full nearly to the top with liquid and solid waste. Do not shout repeatedly - this will deplete your air supply.
4. Once out, get at least 10 feet away from the tank before trying to catch your breath.
And now you know. Just in case.
- Chel
It has been a while since I've offered tid-bits of such valuable information. So I'll take the time now to enlighten everyone on a very important topic:
How to Escape If Trapped In A Lion Cage
 1. Do not run.
2. Watch for signs of an attack. A low staccato growl, combined with eye contact and a lashing tail, usually indicates that an attack is likely.
3. Find a defensive tool. Moving very slowly, pick up a water bowl, bench, or anything else within reach that may be used to fend off a charge.
4. Back away slowly.
5. Watch for mock charges. A lion may make several "mock" charges before actually attacking. It will run forward, then stop. Mock-charging shows that a real attack is imminent.
6. Yell as loudly as you can. Lions are sensitive to noise; yelling may discourage further charges.
7. Fend off attack. Push its paws and head away from you with a nearby object.
8. Keep screaming as loudly as possible.
Now, aren't you so glad you came by to learn all of this?
-Chel
How to Escape A Wild Taxi Ride
 1. Claim you have no money. The ride should end immediately. 2. Light a cigarette.3. Threaten to vomit.4. Act like you are calling the police or the taxi commission on your cell phone.5. If the cab stops, run.6. Jump. Wait until the cap approaches a turn or slows for a light. As the driver brakes, open the door facing the sidewalk. Tuck your chin to your chest, cover your head with your hands or briefcase, and jump out of the car. Roll away from the taxi in a somersault position. Good advice for the next time I'm in NYC, maybe. -Chel
How to Escape From a Giant Octopus  1. Pull away quickly.
2. If you do not escape, do not go limp. Octopi tire easily, so continue to put pressure on the arms by attempting to swim away. 3. Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms.
4. Peel the suckers from your body. Give the octopus a spear, raft, surfboard, or other object to latch on to. Work quickly, before the arms grab you. 5. Detach the octopus from its anchor.6. Turn somersaults in the water to irritate the octopus.7. Swim toward the surface.I don't know about you, but I rather enjoyed this tip. Should come in very handy! However, after watching this video, I'm not so sure I believe it. -Chel
How To Survive A Night In Jail  1. Request a single. If you notice an empty cell, ask to be housed there. Do not offer special reasons for wanting a private cell - those factors may work against you if you are later placed in a group cell.
2. Do not show fear. Fear means weakness in jail. If you cannot stop shaking, pretend you are psychologically unsound: Wave your arms around, babble nonsense, and yell at no one in particular.
3. Do not sleep. Sit on the floor with your back to the wall, preferably in a corner of the cell. Do not remove any clothing to use as a blanket or pillow, or you will risk losing the item to other inmates.
4. Keep to yourself. Do not start a conversation with anyone, but do not be rude. Answer any questions you are asked, and keep your responses short.
5. Do not accept favors. Resist the temptation to ask for or accept help.
6. Do not try to escape.
This is for after we survive being stopped by the police while we are waiting for our lawyer. :)
-Chel
Some of you may be wondering what is up with these survival tips. Well, generally speaking, these are not based on personal experiences. But sometimes they do offer great advice for those not so common circumstances, or perhaps those rare unlucky times in our lives. I post them here to enlighten, inspire, teach, and sometimes to give us all something to shake your heads at.
The following would be one of those unlucky times in our lives...
How to Outwit A Pack of Wolves
 1. Slowly move to solid terrain. In winter, wolves tend to chase their prey into deep snow or onto frozen lakes where hooves sink or slide. Do not crouch down, and do not run. Wolves are capable of bursts of high speed, as fast as 35 mph over short distances. 2. Observe the wolves' posture. A tail straight up in the air and ears pricked up are signals of dominance and often indicate that the wolf is preparing to attack. 3. Charge one member of the pack. Running toward one wolf while yelling may scare it and the other members of the pack away from you. 4. If the wolves continue to attack, throw sticks and rocks at the closest animals. Kick or hit the wolves as they approach you until you scare them off. ....and if that doesn't work, well, say hello to Little Red Riding Hood's grandma. -Chel
How To Survive If You Are Stopped By The Police 1. Pull over immediately. Put hazard lights on, turn off radio, and cut engine. Roll down window. Keep hands in plain sight. Make sure your passenger's hands are also in view. 2. Address the officer as "officer".3. Tell the truth. Do not claim you didn't do it (if you did). 4. Don't argue with the officer. Don't give any reason for the officer to take an interest in your case, which may encourage the officer to appear in court (many defendants succeed in court because the officer is not present). 5. Do not admit anything.6. Contact a lawyer. If you fail any test and are charged, remain silent and call a lawyer. There. Now we all know how to handle THAT situation. -Chel
How to Treat a Tongue Stuck to a Frozen Pole:
1. Do not pull your tongue off the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful.  2. Move closer to the pole. Get as close as possible without letting more of your tongue's surface area touch the pole.
3. Warm the pole with your hands. A tongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very cold. The top layers of the tongue will freeze when it touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to your tongue. Hold them there for several minutes. If hot water is available, pour it on the tongue and pole.
4. Take a test pull. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull your tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but your tongue will quickly heal. -Chel
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