Sometimes we get the pleasure in church to sit behind a very cute little boy, probably about 3 or 4 years old. He has no problem saying what he thinks, at a voice much too loud for a church meeting. A few weeks ago, he whispered something to his mom, she got up to walk out, he followed, and as he passed our row, he said in his cute loud voice, "I'm going to go pee!"
One time recently, the passing of the sacrament was going on. This is a very quiet ritual, with people bowing their heads, or just sitting quietly, pondering. In our church, the young men go around the congregation and pass the sacrament tray down the rows. They stand at the end of the row waiting for a tray to return to them, then they go to the next row. A young man had passed the sacrament to this little boy's row, the little boy took his portion, and then began staring at the young man. He watched him at his row, at our row, and finally at the row behind us. Apparently, he finally made eye contact with the young man, and said - louder than his regular loud - "Thanks, dude!"
We were at a Chel family gathering and were all sharing news about our families. This one struck us as particularly funny, and so worth sharing.
Chel's nephew, who we'll call Jeremiah, just turned 7. Not long ago, he and a few friends were discussing teeth, and likely got to the subject of teeth falling out, as they do when you're 6 and 7. They got to wondering, it seems, if one could actually push teeth out with a thumb. Jeremiah volunteered to be the thumb. Another boy volunteered his teeth. Jeremiah put his thumb expertly on one of the boy's teeth, and pushed. Sure enough, he pushed the tooth right out!
Not to be less than expert scientists, they decided it would be better if there were actually two results. Maybe the first boy just had weak teeth. So boy number two then volunteered his own teeth. Jeremiah again put his thumb expertly on the other boy's tooth, and pushed. Their experiment was a great success!
In preparation for the upcoming turkey feast, I felt the following information might come in very handy.
How to Extinguish A Burning Turkey
1) Close the oven and broiler doors. Turn off the oven.
2) Open nearby windows. Smoke will pour out the oven vent. If possible, close the doors to the kitchen to contain the smoke.
3) Wait five minutes. Ovens are designed for high heat and should contain the fire without a problem. Keep the doors closed to avoid adding oxygen to the fire.
4) Open the oven door slightly. After five minutes, the turkey fire should have burned itself out. If it is still burning, close the door immediately and wait several minutes before opening the door again. If the fire continues to burn for more than ten minutes, call the fire department (and then go out to eat).
I work with some funny people. I share on office with one of them. Most people have their own office, and there's even a single office open. But we just like our fun little place so much, we're staying in our combined space. Well, that's why I'm staying. Maybe she is too nice to say she wants her own space ... Regardless, Lisa has a funny tendency. It's a similar tendency to Chel's. Simple words or phrases make them sing a song. Part of why this is fun for them is that it bugs me. In a fun kind of way.
One very funny song Lisa sings is "Holiday". It's the same one Madonna sang years ago, but it's the version from "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler. What's funny about this is that there is a suburb nearby with the name that sounds just like Holiday. Whenever anyone at work mentions this suburb, someone calls from there, or we get a new case in Holiday, Lisa sings the "Wedding Singer" version of "Holiday".
One day she said she had a visit and I asked where it was. She asked, "Are you sure you want to know?" Forgetting her cute little habit, I said "Yes." This is what I got in reply.
Because you never know... 1. Get out quickly. In cases of falls into cesspools and septic tanks, the most common cause of death is asphyxiation from methane gas. The gas causes rapid unconsciousness; deaths in as few as two minutes have been recorded.
2. Hold your breath for as long as possible between taking breaths.
3. If you cannot climb out, give one loud shout for help. In-use tanks and pools will be full nearly to the top with liquid and solid waste. Do not shout repeatedly - this will deplete your air supply.
4. Once out, get at least 10 feet away from the tank before trying to catch your breath. And now you know. Just in case.
Remember that scene from the movie "Home Alone" where the kid plays movie scenes to scare the thieves away? I revisited that scene while working. The other day a coworker (Linda) and I went to visit a client in his home.
We arrived at the home and stood on the front porch. Through the window, we could hear that he was watching an old Western movie. I could hear the dramatic music, and while Linda was trying to get her file open to remember the client's name, we hear from the movie, "You after the money or me?"
Linda and I looked at each other and chuckled. I could see him looking through his blinds at me, so I said to Linda, still fiddling with the file, "He sees us, so I'm going to at least knock."
Right after I knocked, the movie said, "Looks like we've got company!"
At least we were both smiling when the client opened the door!
This is Soccer. He's my cute little kitty. And he can talk. Really. While he can only say one word, it is a most important word for him: Water.
Every morning before everyone gets up, he wanders around the house meowing, and it really does sound like he is saying "water", in a most pathetic and needy way. He has a bowl of water, so its not like we're neglecting him. But he likes his water in a very particular way, and is very set on that way.
When we get up and head to the bathroom for our own needs, Soccer hurries in and waits by the sink for us to turn the water on for him.
After he eats his little breakfast, he hurries over to the kitchen sink, sits in it and waits for us to turn that water on for him.
While I understand his obsessive need for water from the sink, it sure would be nice if he didn't wake the whole household yelling for it every morning.
I think it's interesting that so many of our funniest stories come from a lack of understanding, or hearing, communication around here. Just last night we had another one.
AJ was putting clothes in the washer, about 2 feet from where I was working on the computer. Sarah was sitting near the front door. Chel was headed away from me, going toward the front door, and said something I could not hear due to the direction of her voice and the noise of the washing machine.
"What'd you say?" I called out.
She repeated it. The direction was still wrong and the washer was still loud, therefore I didn't hear her again. But by now she was out the door.
"I still didn't hear her," I said.
Sarah, exasperated, said, "If you would just listen!"
I replied, "It's kind of hard to do that with the washing machine right behind me."
Sarah, still exasperated, said, "She said something about the table leg." That makes sense since our dining room table has a loose leg which needs frequent tightening. I assumed Chel was out to the garage for a tool. But then after a brief pause, Sarah added, "Or the table lady."
What the heck is a table lady? And she thinks *I'm* the one who needs to listen.
We were coming home from church the other day, driving behind a slow poke. As soon as they turned out of my way, I had every intention of speeding down the rest of the road. But there was a cat on the side of the road and it looked as if he was going to enter into it. He did. And plopped right down in the middle. Like he owned it!
Obviously, he is crazy. He let us drive pretty close before he sauntered off.
AJ has a habit of saying some not-so-nice things to his siblings in the name of being funny. I often have to say, "Was that nice?" He says, "no." I say, "Then it wasn't funny." I had to make an exception recently.
Sarah: Mom, my neck hurts. I can't turn my head both ways. I can't look right.
I am having trouble with Soccer, Chel's cat. He seems obsessed with my laptop.
I don't think the keyboard is really that much warmer than the table ... but he truly insists on sitting on it.
The only issue with this is that he will change settings, send emails, turn off important programs. All while sitting innocently on my keyboard. He tries to pretend he's unaware, but I know differently.
So I have to pull the top of the laptop down if I walk away, to keep him off the keyboard. This works well. Or so I thought. Like I said ... he is obsessed.
Any ideas?! I mean, I can't do harmful things to him ... Chel kinda likes him ...
Last night (New Year's Eve), we were playing games with my family. We had to be the first one to call out an answer to Harry Potter Scene It. One question showed an image from one of the movies and we had to say what was missing from the scene. It was a picture of a Quiddich field with the three hoops missing. We all called out an answer. As we were deciding who said it first, my 7 year old nephew asked what the right answer was. When we told him it was the hoops, he said, "I said 'tubes'. That means 'hoops' for me", fully expecting us to declare him the winner.
I just wanted to make sure you all know we're still alive. So I'll just put some quotes on here that my mom sent me. She actually sent them to me snail mail, since she can't seem to get used to email yet. LOL I may have to tape a few of these around the house ....
I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you.
Behind every superkid is a supermom.
Bratty kids will be sold as slaves, some free!
This house maintained for the benefit of the dog.
Forget the dog, beware of the kid.
Supermom lives here.
I'm the mommy, that's why!
Because it's my kitchen!
M is for mother, not maid.
Thou shalt not whine!
Today's menu: Take it or leave it.
Home sweet home. When not, adjust.
Caution: This room not cleaned by Mom!
Life is only what you make it, so make it beautiful.
One of God's greatest miracles is to enable ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
Do you always want to be right or do you want to be happy?
What you say tells people what you are.
Choose friends carefully, you become what they are. (Not sure I personally agree with this one).
Be brave like Christa McAuliffe, touch the future.
I can be different fro my friends and still be okay.
Wow ... we've been silent a long time, haven't we. I apologize. Masters programs and internships and teenagers take a lot of my time. But I do have a funny experience to share.
In one of my classes, our instructor had us introduce ourselves and where we were from. A woman from the back of the room said she was Cynthia (fake name) and she was from Tehachipi CA. This happens to be where I lived until I was 7 years old, so I decided I'd go talk to her after class, not expecting to have anything in common other than Tehachipi.
After class, I went up to her and said I lived in Tehachipi until I was 7. She said, "Didn't you say in another class you're going to be 41 soon?" I said I did. She said, "I am too!"
Then she asked me if I remembered where I lived when I lived there and I named the street. She said, "Me, too!" We compared notes and found that she lived a block away from me.
I called my mom and told her that I found a girl who lived a block away when I was little and told her the last name. She said she remembered Cynthia and that I played with her when we were little. I do have a vague memory of her ... a little girl playing ball in her driveway ... I wonder if that's really her ...
How strange, huh. And when you think about all the little tiny things that needed to be in place for this little coincidence to take place, it's astounding. Is there some meaning to this, or is this just an interesting happening?
So Chel and I were having a discussion during dinner today about some upcoming company. We were discussing what to do with her to entertain her. During this entire conversation, AJ was being ... well ... AJ. He was first a pterodactyl, cool noises and all. Then he was a shark, with noises I never heard associated with a shark before, and attacking his roast pork as if it were prey. Then he was switching chairs off and on while still eating from his place at the table, reaching over to eat from his plate.
So I asked him, "Are you going to be goofy when Licia comes to visit?" He looked dumbfounded. "Goofy?"
I said, "Yes. Goofy. You're being goofy."
"I am?" He looked even more confused and just stared at me.
The other night I was working with a fairly new girl we'll call Maris. She got a phone call from a contract for which we answer after hours lines. The man who called demanded Maris make him an appointment. She calmly explained we can't do that since we are in a different location, the phones have been transferred to us, and we don't have the schedule books. He was livid. Unfortunately, the phones were so busy, she had to put him on hold.
I was done with my calls before she was, so I picked him up. I think the time on hold made him even more irate. He demanded to know what good we were in an emergency. I assured him making an appt is not an emergency. He went on to yell about my uselessness. I ended the call. Moments later, Maris got a call from the same guy. He let her know that he had informed a third party of our lack of professionalism and hung up. She turned to me and relayed the message, joking that he was such a whiner, the third party was probably his mommy.
About half an hour passed when Maris got yet another call from the contract. Her eyes went wide as she listened, she glanced over at me, and mouthed the words, "Third party." My interest was piqued. She finished the call and explained the scheduling process to Third Party. When she hung up, she looked at me and burst out laughing.
We were getting ready to eat, and my 7 year old nephew was blessing the food. He got to a point where he wanted to bless us too, so he said, "bless us to be.............[very long pause, I could almost hear his wheels turning]..............[and then it finally came to him]............something." Guess that was the best he could do. :)
My little niece has been watching "Night at the Museum" and there is a scene with Sacajawea in it. She really likes princesses, and Sacajawea is no exception, so she pays attention to that part. But it is, after all, a rather difficult name to say, so for her, it comes out as "Sackinawea" And she loves to say it over and over again.
My youngest niece also loves princesses - she loves and knows, "Bell, Cindalella, and Sleeping Booty".
So I sent AJ into his room to clean a bit. He is overwhelmed by the task, so I just sent him to put 15 clean clothing items in their drawers. He wondered what if they were dirty. I said, "Put them in the dirty clothes hamper. And no, that doesn't count toward the 15."
Minutes later, I went to check on him - and wish that's when I had the camera. I could only see his feet. The rest of him was in his clothes hamper. No wonder his room is never clean.
