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I know it's a bit late, as this little tid-bit of information should certainly have come well before today, but I rather enjoyed reading it this morning, so I wanted to share with all of you. Plus, it is very possible this might come in handy on other occasions as well, if nothing else, maybe we can all remember it for next year.
How to Survive If You Have No One To Kiss On New Year's Eve1. Kiss a pet. Dogs are generally agreeable and have clean mouths. Cats are usually well groomed but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed.
2. Kiss yourself. Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close, and kiss. Keep your lips slightly parted. Do not attempt to use your tongue. Wipe the mirror after you have completed your kiss. You may also try kissing the back of your hand.
3. Hug a pillow. Full-body pillows are more satisfying.
4. Call a friend on the phone. After you wish your friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses.
What more can I add to that...it's all there. Happy New Year!
-Chel
In preparation for the upcoming turkey feast, I felt the following information might come in very handy.
How to Extinguish A Burning Turkey
 1) Close the oven and broiler doors. Turn off the oven. 2) Open nearby windows. Smoke will pour out the oven vent. If possible, close the doors to the kitchen to contain the smoke. 3) Wait five minutes. Ovens are designed for high heat and should contain the fire without a problem. Keep the doors closed to avoid adding oxygen to the fire. 4) Open the oven door slightly. After five minutes, the turkey fire should have burned itself out. If it is still burning, close the door immediately and wait several minutes before opening the door again. If the fire continues to burn for more than ten minutes, call the fire department (and then go out to eat). Happy Cooking! -Chel
On March 3, 1876, a shower of meat chunks, one to four square inches in size, rained down on Bath county in Kentucky. No one was injured by the falling meat, which had the appearance of beef (but tasted more like venison or lamb, according to sources). Numerous studies were done on the meat to ascertain what it was. Though early opinion was that it was no more than some sort of vegetable matter, it was determined that the samples studied were cartilage, lung tissue, and muscle. The final conclusion was that the meat had fallen from buzzards or vultures who vomited their meals while flying overhead.
 Yum.
-Chel
I was picking up Sam from work last night. We found these in our neighborhood.
 
We both agree this is a little silly for the middle of January. Maybe we're just humbugs ....
Chelle
From the song "Crimson and Clover" by Joan Jett:
Wrong Lyric: Christmas is over Right Lyric: Crimson and clover It took me a minute to figure out what was wrong with that lyric, cause it's true. :) Hope everyone had a good one! -Chel
In the spirit of the season, I thought I'd include a Christmas song mis-sung.
From the traditional song "Jingle Bells":
Wrong Lyric: Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap, and hay Right Lyric: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas with your very clean and well fed horse! -Chel
Because the house still isn't finished (close, but still in progress), I don't have spiffy new pictures to show everyone. So instead, I'll share this little music lyric with ya'll.
From "Ticket to Ride" by The Beatles:
Wrong Lyric: She's got a chicken to ride Right Lyric: She's got a ticket to ride I don't know about you, but that actually sounds kinda fun. -Chel
From the song "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac.
 Wrong Lyric: When the rain washes, you'll clean your nose
Right Lyric: When the rain washes you clean, you'll knowWell...it was close. -Chel
From the song "Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan.
Wrong Lyric: My sensitive manatee has gone down the drain  Right Lyric: My sense of humanity has gone down the drain Manatees do seem like such sensative creatures. -Chel
Well, now this one just makes me laugh. To be honest, I hadn't even thought of the wrong lyrics until a friend of mine sang them, knowing full well they were wrong.
 From "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival:
Wrong Lyric: There's a bathroom on the right.
Right Lyric: There's a bad moon on the rise. This is the way I sing these lyrics now, all the time. -Chel
There are some songs, that even when you know the correct words, you still sing them wrong. I think this will be the case with me on this song...though my wrong lyrics are a bit different than those shown here.
From "Blinded By the Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band.
Wrong Lyric: She ripped up her douche in the middle of the night.
Right Lyric: Revved up like a deuce/Another runner in the night. ('33 Ford Deuce Roadster)
Oh! That's what it says!
-Chel
I swear I'm going to post something soon. I promise. In fact, right now I'm working on anther "My Dad Should Be Dead" story. And this one also includes me and 2 of my siblings. Should be good. But I don't have time to finish it right now, and tomorrow isn't looking good either...:) But I will get to it. I promise. You'll love it!
Right now I need to go take a shower and wash the smell of pizza and bleach off me. Such a lovely aroma. But tips were pretty good tonight, so it helps pay for the gas it takes to deliver all those pizzas. Such a contradiction. Deliver pizzas to help pay for a few extra things, including gas, and have to use MORE gas to do it.
Ok, I guess that's all for now. I just had to contribute to this blog of ours. Chelle was starting to think I had bailed on her.
-Chel
This next incorrect music lyric is quite a catchy one. I may end up singing it this way from now on. Of course it doesn't conjure up the most pleasant image... 
From the song "My Sharona" by The Knack:
Wrong Lyric: Mice aroma
Right Lyric: My Sharona
The new aroma is called: Infestation by Calvin Klein. Mmmm.
-Chel
This is a song I could never figure out. I was pretty sure the lyrics I was singing weren't right, but I just couldn't figure out what they really were. I guess if I had taken the time to learn the name of the song, I might have had a clue.
From "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC  Wrong Lyrics: Dirty deeds and the dunder chief. Right Lyrics: Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap. Certainly makes more sense now. - Chel
Um, ouch!
From the song "Need You Tonight" by INXS:
Wrong Lyrics: Your knees are so raw
Right Lyrics: Your moves are so raw - Chel
Look how long it's been! I never thought I'd let "The Dumb Blog" lapse like this! But what a stressful time this has been for me. Let me just say - I have missed you all. Really.
I have been spending a lot of time at my practicum, trying to get up to my required 400 hours. I'm up to 120, I think. I also am working on my final "Senior Capstone" paper. It's up to 87 pages. I have two main parts left to do. By the time I get home from either practicum or work, though, I just don't have the energy to write a proper paper. It's weighing on my mind. I also have two other major papers due, and two presentations. But ... with 1 month, 3 weeks, 1 day left till graduation ... I can do it. I keep telling myself that. Or at least try to. I can do anything for that long, right? Even stay high strung!?
X has been treating AJ a little less nicely than I would myself. It's been hard. X pressed charges against AJ for putting 5 holes in the door of his closet. They are this size:
 Seriously. I know you think I'm kidding here. Pressing charges against a 13-year old for making 5 holes smaller than a dime in his closet door. No kidding, though. So I suggested that X let AJ move here this month, for the rest of the school year and next. He actually thought it was a good idea ... just needs to ask his wife now. I was hopeful for a second, until he said that. I'm trying to maintain hope, regardless of history.
X also told the kids he may move to another state. They have all decided to move with me for the next school year. I can't tell you how happy that makes me! Not that he's moving (really!) but that they're going to live with me. Nothing makes me happier than my kids, I tell ya. But this makes me kind of busy getting kids registered for school, worrying about AJ, arranging things ... It's all worth it to me, tho.
My Social Work project is over. We collected about 130 coats. Fewer than 15 of the other items, but we wanted more coats anyway. I think it's amazing what we got!
I accidentally spent most of my summer tuition money. Chel doesn't know that. Well, I guess she does now. I totally couldn't figure out how I had extra money in my account. I put it there, of course, from my taxes so I could pay for my summer class. The last one required to truly have my degree. So I spent it on our little get away. I have faith, though, that somehow I'll come up with it before tuition time. I can hope. Right?? Money ... another major stressor.
So that's a recap. Hope you all understand why I've been absent. I will likely be intermittent for the next ... 1 month, 3 weeks, and 1 day.
I better go pick up Chel off the floor now.
Chelle
I ate some popcorn tonight at work. I was just craving it for some reason. So I took borrowed a bag from a coworker's desk ... I found an amazing piece. To me it looked an awful lot like a golden snitch from Harry Potter. I kept it aside and took a picture of it. I figured I could put it on eBay and get thousands for it.   I should have left it alone. But I had to have just one more picture. I broke it. As it snapped, I could feel the thousands of dollars slipping from my hands. Guess my fortune isn't coming today.  Of course, the day's not over yet ... It just won't be from my golden snitch popcorn. Chelle
I love the Eurythmics, and I love cheese. So these lyrics made me happy.
From "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by the Eurythmics:
Wrong Lyrics: Sweet dreams are made of cheese Right Lyrics: Sweet dreams are made of this Yummy! -Chel
I could really appreciate these lyrics as a part time pizza delivery girl.
 From the song "Beast of Burden" by The Rolling Stones:
Wrong Lyrics: I'll never leave your pizza burnin'
Right Lyrics: I'll never be your beast of burden
Nothing worse than burning pizza.
-Chel
This one I really liked. Probably because I love Fritos, and the thought of that smell in the air just makes me hungry.
From "Hotel California" by The Eagles:
Wrong Lyrics: Warm smell of the Fritos, rising up through the air
Right Lyrics: Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air Oh ya. Hungry anyone?- Chel
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