She Says It's Pretty Dumb

On We Go!

2011-10-24T21:49:00.002-06:00

We are going to try doing this fun blog again. We had so much fun with it. And we are having so much fun reading some of our old stuff.

So prepare for some very funny stuff coming up!!!

Chelle / Chel

Hands

2009-01-23T08:45:00.002-07:00

I am aware that the strangest things make me chuckle. You know, things that when repeated, no one seems to find it as cute as I did. I think this may be one of those times.

Last week my line of work took me to a nearby Alzheimer's facility. I love that population. Not sure why. But my coworker, Lisa, and I were going to a section that one needed a code to enter. Lisa entered the code, and just as I was going to open the door, I noticed a resident coming toward us, checking doors, looking for a way out. She got to us just as we were attempting to enter. The resident tried to push past me to escape, but I attempted to redirect by putting my hand up in front of her and moving forward. She wasn't going to be deterred, so she ended up pushing against my hand. The door eventually closed so she couldn't escape. But not before she said, without looking at me, "Keep your hands by yourself!"

I don't know. It just struck me as funny.

Guess you had to be there.

Chelle

Gratitude

2009-01-16T09:22:00.003-07:00

Sometimes we get the pleasure in church to sit behind a very cute little boy, probably about 3 or 4 years old. He has no problem saying what he thinks, at a voice much too loud for a church meeting. A few weeks ago, he whispered something to his mom, she got up to walk out, he followed, and as he passed our row, he said in his cute loud voice, "I'm going to go pee!"

One time recently, the passing of the sacrament was going on. This is a very quiet ritual, with people bowing their heads, or just sitting quietly, pondering. In our church, the young men go around the congregation and pass the sacrament tray down the rows. They stand at the end of the row waiting for a tray to return to them, then they go to the next row. A young man had passed the sacrament to this little boy's row, the little boy took his portion, and then began staring at the young man. He watched him at his row, at our row, and finally at the row behind us. Apparently, he finally made eye contact with the young man, and said - louder than his regular loud - "Thanks, dude!"

What a cutie.

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2009-01-02T08:11:00.003-07:00

I know it's a bit late, as this little tid-bit of information should certainly have come well before today, but I rather enjoyed reading it this morning, so I wanted to share with all of you. Plus, it is very possible this might come in handy on other occasions as well, if nothing else, maybe we can all remember it for next year.

How to Survive If You Have No One To Kiss On New Year's Eve

1. Kiss a pet. Dogs are generally agreeable and have clean mouths. Cats are usually well groomed but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed.

2. Kiss yourself. Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close, and kiss. Keep your lips slightly parted. Do not attempt to use your tongue. Wipe the mirror after you have completed your kiss. You may also try kissing the back of your hand.

3. Hug a pillow. Full-body pillows are more satisfying.

4. Call a friend on the phone. After you wish your friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses.

What more can I add to that...it's all there. Happy New Year!

-Chel

What!?

2008-12-26T18:22:00.002-07:00

For my job, I get to visit vulnerable adults who may have been abused, neglected, or exploited. Sometimes these cases are closed pretty quickly because there's nothing to them, the adult is fine with the conditions, or a myriad of other reasons. But one thing that's the same in each case, I have to see the alleged victim face to face, by law.

One case, I had a difficult time seeing the woman. I knew I was being dodged, but couldn't figure out how to get in the door. Finally, I left my business card on her door and that very afternoon, she called me. I explained that I needed to see her and she said she was fine. I explained again I needed to see her face, and she said, "I know someone thinks my family member is abusing me, but they're not." I said I would like the opportunity to discuss that in person and she said, "Fine. Can you wait until the bruises heal?"

I paused, not sure what to make of such a thing, and this was long enough for her to laugh and say, "I'm kidding!"

Maybe I'm jaded ... because that was very funny!

Chelle

Teeth & Thumbs

2008-12-06T10:55:00.002-07:00

We were at a Chel family gathering and were all sharing news about our families. This one struck us as particularly funny, and so worth sharing.

Chel's nephew, who we'll call Jeremiah, just turned 7. Not long ago, he and a few friends were discussing teeth, and likely got to the subject of teeth falling out, as they do when you're 6 and 7. They got to wondering, it seems, if one could actually push teeth out with a thumb. Jeremiah volunteered to be the thumb. Another boy volunteered his teeth. Jeremiah put his thumb expertly on one of the boy's teeth, and pushed. Sure enough, he pushed the tooth right out!

Not to be less than expert scientists, they decided it would be better if there were actually two results. Maybe the first boy just had weak teeth. So boy number two then volunteered his own teeth. Jeremiah again put his thumb expertly on the other boy's tooth, and pushed. Their experiment was a great success!

You can indeed push teeth out with your thumb.

Chelle

Signs

2008-11-29T13:51:00.002-07:00

This one just struck me as funny.

Reminds me of a town near where I grew up. The entrance sign read, "Welcome to ***. Home of 541 nice people and one old grouch."

They've since changed the sign. I guess the old grouch passed on ...

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-11-19T11:15:00.006-07:00

In preparation for the upcoming turkey feast, I felt the following information might come in very handy.

How to Extinguish A Burning Turkey

1) Close the oven and broiler doors. Turn off the oven.

2) Open nearby windows. Smoke will pour out the oven vent. If possible, close the doors to the kitchen to contain the smoke.

3) Wait five minutes. Ovens are designed for high heat and should contain the fire without a problem. Keep the doors closed to avoid adding oxygen to the fire.

4) Open the oven door slightly. After five minutes, the turkey fire should have burned itself out. If it is still burning, close the door immediately and wait several minutes before opening the door again. If the fire continues to burn for more than ten minutes, call the fire department (and then go out to eat).

Happy Cooking!

-Chel

Holiday

2008-11-11T11:50:00.004-07:00

I work with some funny people. I share on office with one of them. Most people have their own office, and there's even a single office open. But we just like our fun little place so much, we're staying in our combined space. Well, that's why I'm staying. Maybe she is too nice to say she wants her own space ... Regardless, Lisa has a funny tendency. It's a similar tendency to Chel's. Simple words or phrases make them sing a song. Part of why this is fun for them is that it bugs me. In a fun kind of way.

One very funny song Lisa sings is "Holiday". It's the same one Madonna sang years ago, but it's the version from "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler. What's funny about this is that there is a suburb nearby with the name that sounds just like Holiday. Whenever anyone at work mentions this suburb, someone calls from there, or we get a new case in Holiday, Lisa sings the "Wedding Singer" version of "Holiday".

One day she said she had a visit and I asked where it was. She asked, "Are you sure you want to know?" Forgetting her cute little habit, I said "Yes." This is what I got in reply.

Chelle

2008-10-30T12:41:00.002-06:00

I was just reading some old stuff on this blog and was laughing my head off. I think we have some funny stuff on here! It made me think I need to be more consistent about this again. I will do my best. No promises. Once in a while, though, I still see some pretty funny stuff. I'll be sure to share it with you here.

One of the funniest parts of my day is my coworker, Linda. She is a funny, funny girl. But part of what makes her so dang funny are her facial expressions and her amazing body movements. I just have to figure out a way to get that properly put into words for you all to share!

So look forward to an active (and funny) blog again. :)

Random

2008-10-25T11:21:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, Sarah and AJ had gone up to be with their dad overnight. They drove back the next morning with Sam in two, Sarah driving. The roads were wet, and I admit I'm a worry wart. I kept checking the commuter link web site, which shows pictures of the road at random places. These cameras update every few minutes. I was initially checking for the road conditions, but hoped I'd see their car in one of the pics. I know that's so statistically impossible. They would have to be on the road at the exact spot the camera was facing and at the exact second the camera was taking a pic. But ... lo and behold ... I saw them. Not once, but three times. Each time I'd text them, "Did you just pass ... " and they'd answer they did. How very odd, but very cool, and amazingly random. I love it when the Universe shows up for me like that.

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-10-04T09:29:00.003-06:00

How to Survive If You Fall Into A Cesspool

Because you never know...

1. Get out quickly. In cases of falls into cesspools and septic tanks, the most common cause of death is asphyxiation from methane gas. The gas causes rapid unconsciousness; deaths in as few as two minutes have been recorded.

2. Hold your breath for as long as possible between taking breaths.

3. If you cannot climb out, give one loud shout for help. In-use tanks and pools will be full nearly to the top with liquid and solid waste. Do not shout repeatedly - this will deplete your air supply.

4. Once out, get at least 10 feet away from the tank before trying to catch your breath.

And now you know. Just in case.

- Chel

Driving School

2008-10-03T07:00:00.005-06:00

A friend at work shared this with me after telling her about a visit in a client's home. The daughter in law ~~would~~ could not stop talking. It was ~~amazing~~ annoying. And I just think this video is very funny.

Chelle

Birthdays

2008-09-27T13:51:00.002-06:00

I get to interview people several times a week in my job. One of my latest ones is now one of my favorites. The elderly gentleman has dementia, and it was readily evident, especially when I asked how old he was and he said he was 342, and really believed it.

The best part may be one of those you had to be there for. I said, "When's your birthday?" He quickly looked at me with a huge smile and said, "Happy birthday!"

My coworker and I got a big chuckle out of it.

Chelle

Home Alone Revisited

2008-09-13T16:17:00.003-06:00

Remember that scene from the movie "Home Alone" where the kid plays movie scenes to scare the thieves away? I revisited that scene while working. The other day a coworker (Linda) and I went to visit a client in his home.

We arrived at the home and stood on the front porch. Through the window, we could hear that he was watching an old Western movie. I could hear the dramatic music, and while Linda was trying to get her file open to remember the client's name, we hear from the movie, "You after the money or me?"

Linda and I looked at each other and chuckled. I could see him looking through his blinds at me, so I said to Linda, still fiddling with the file, "He sees us, so I'm going to at least knock."

Right after I knocked, the movie said, "Looks like we've got company!"

At least we were both smiling when the client opened the door!

Chelle

Practical Meets Teen

2008-08-23T10:36:00.003-06:00

Sarah is a very practical girl. Many times I wonder how she got to be so grounded at 16-years old. I think it's a good thing for the most part, of course. Sometimes I think it just might be a hindrance to building relationships. A good example happened last night.

Someone knocked on the door at nearly 10pm. We fought to get Anna outside (the dog who likes to eat people) and I opened the door. Two of Sarah's friends were there: Mark and Charlotte. I have seen Mark several times when he's come home from school with Sarah for lunch. I think he's an amazingly goofy, weird kid. But as they were on the steps looking into the house, Sarah stood in the living room and stared at them. I finally invited them in. Sarah's first words were, "It's kind of late." I finally broke the weird moment by inviting them to come have a cookie. Mark jumped at the idea and was in the kitchen in a flash.

After much strange discussion, the kids moved into the living room to chat. After a moment I overheard this conversation:

Sarah: You are inviting me to drive around?

Mark: Yeah!

Sarah: And do what? Just drive around?

Mark: Yeah!

Sarah: What's our destination?

Mark: Maybe nowhere. Maybe my house. We don't know. That's the fun of it!

Sarah: Ok ...

She did come ask me if she could go out with Mark and Charlotte and I told her to take her cell phone and be home by 11:30. She got her phone and left with a tentative attitude.

When she got home I asked if she had fun and she said she did, actually. She added, "I even felt like a real teenager."

Thank goodness. It's about time.

Chelle

Water

2008-08-08T07:49:00.002-06:00

This is Soccer. He's my cute little kitty. And he can talk. Really. While he can only say one word, it is a most important word for him: Water.

Every morning before everyone gets up, he wanders around the house meowing, and it really does sound like he is saying "water", in a most pathetic and needy way. He has a bowl of water, so its not like we're neglecting him. But he likes his water in a very particular way, and is very set on that way.

When we get up and head to the bathroom for our own needs, Soccer hurries in and waits by the sink for us to turn the water on for him.

After he eats his little breakfast, he hurries over to the kitchen sink, sits in it and waits for us to turn that water on for him.

While I understand his obsessive need for water from the sink, it sure would be nice if he didn't wake the whole household yelling for it every morning.

-Chel

Survival Tips 101

2008-06-30T15:20:00.003-06:00

It has been a while since I've offered tid-bits of such valuable information. So I'll take the time now to enlighten everyone on a very important topic:

How to Escape If Trapped In A Lion Cage

1. Do not run.

2. Watch for signs of an attack. A low staccato growl, combined with eye contact and a lashing tail, usually indicates that an attack is likely.

3. Find a defensive tool. Moving very slowly, pick up a water bowl, bench, or anything else within reach that may be used to fend off a charge.

4. Back away slowly.

5. Watch for mock charges. A lion may make several "mock" charges before actually attacking. It will run forward, then stop. Mock-charging shows that a real attack is imminent.

6. Yell as loudly as you can. Lions are sensitive to noise; yelling may discourage further charges.

7. Fend off attack. Push its paws and head away from you with a nearby object.

8. Keep screaming as loudly as possible.

Now, aren't you so glad you came by to learn all of this?

-Chel

Confusion

2008-06-07T15:51:00.004-06:00

The other night we went out for ice cream as a family. Sarah is learning to drive and has done pretty well the last several months. So she drove the several blocks over there. We got into the parking lot and the car stopped moving. Sarah looked confused and said, "Why am I not moving?" It took her only a few short seconds to realize she had her foot on the brake.

Chelle

Listening

2008-05-07T12:10:00.003-06:00

I think it's interesting that so many of our funniest stories come from a lack of understanding, or hearing, communication around here. Just last night we had another one.

AJ was putting clothes in the washer, about 2 feet from where I was working on the computer. Sarah was sitting near the front door. Chel was headed away from me, going toward the front door, and said something I could not hear due to the direction of her voice and the noise of the washing machine.

"What'd you say?" I called out.

She repeated it. The direction was still wrong and the washer was still loud, therefore I didn't hear her again. But by now she was out the door.

"I still didn't hear her," I said.

Sarah, exasperated, said, "If you would just listen!"

I replied, "It's kind of hard to do that with the washing machine right behind me."

Sarah, still exasperated, said, "She said something about the table leg." That makes sense since our dining room table has a loose leg which needs frequent tightening. I assumed Chel was out to the garage for a tool. But then after a brief pause, Sarah added, "Or the table lady."

What the heck is a table lady? And she thinks *I'm* the one who needs to listen.

Chelle

Fun Photo Friday (on Saturday)

2008-05-03T09:10:00.000-06:00

Bravery?

2008-05-01T14:14:00.003-06:00

We were coming home from church the other day, driving behind a slow poke. As soon as they turned out of my way, I had every intention of speeding down the rest of the road. But there was a cat on the side of the road and it looked as if he was going to enter into it. He did. And plopped right down in the middle. Like he owned it!

Obviously, he is crazy. He let us drive pretty close before he sauntered off.

Chelle

Loving Exchange

2008-04-28T09:10:00.002-06:00

AJ has a habit of saying some not-so-nice things to his siblings in the name of being funny. I often have to say, "Was that nice?" He says, "no." I say, "Then it wasn't funny." I had to make an exception recently.

Sarah: Mom, my neck hurts. I can't turn my head both ways. I can't look right.

AJ: You've never looked right.

Chelle

Fun Photo Friday

2008-04-25T07:03:00.000-06:00

Nominee for Man of the Year

Another Odd Conversation

2008-04-23T16:31:00.004-06:00

The other night, Sarah was handing something to AJ, but dropped it before it reached him.

Sarah: Oh, sorry.

AJ, looking at her incredulously: I'll take that as a "sorry".

Chelle

New Goals

2008-04-21T08:31:00.004-06:00

Ok, I have every intention of doing this blog again. Regularly. Seriously.

And what better story to start out with than share something from one of my greatest sources of humor: AJ.

We were eating dinner as a family. AJ was being his normal self - loud, annoying in the most lovable way, and just plain odd. We love him and enjoy him immensely. Through the process of the meal, we had already laughed at with him several times. (More on that in later posts.) He had just finished eating a plate of a taco salad he built and was ready for more. He picked up a fresh tortilla from the stack, licked his fork clean, and placed the newly licked fork on the remaining tortillas.

Chel must have given him a look - I am sure you can picture which one - and he quickly grabbed his fork from the stack of not-so-fresh-now tortillas. He said, "I'm so ... [looking for the right word] awkward."

Even though he had not chosen the word he wanted, it was the perfect one. We laughed even harder.

Poor awkward kid.

Chelle

Practical

2008-04-05T17:20:00.006-06:00

Sarah is quite practical at times. This is evident in conversations we have with her. Here are two examples.

We were flipping channels one day and came across Star Trek: Voyager. The scene involved the character Seven of Nine. Being a former Star Trek fan myself, we began a discussion about the show, her opinion, of course, being that it was quite lame.

We then started talking about Seven of Nine specifically. I said that I thought she was cool and even liked the name. Sarah looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

I said, "If I had another girl, I'd consider naming her 'Seven'."

Sarah then was sure I'd lost my mind. I said, "I think it's a cool name."

Sarah said, "I think it's a number."

-------------------------------

Then today I was in another room working on things and could over hear AJ and Sarah in the other room. They were watching a movie with Vin Diesel in it. There was an apparent muscle scene when AJ asked Sarah, "How come he always plays tough guys."

Sarah answered, "Cuz he's a tough guy."

Duh.

Chelle

Ghosts

2008-03-28T09:37:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago we all went over to Chel's parents' house. Her whole family was there. So there were 20 of us in all ... ranging from her parents in age to the two little toddlers. There was a religious discussion about the Holy Ghost. In the midst of it, out comes the younger 3-year old niece, very excited. She was carrying a video of "Casper, the Friendly Ghost." She quite eagerly showed it to the one talking about the Holy Ghost and said, "Here's the Holy Ghost!"

Maybe you had to be there ...

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-03-15T11:48:00.002-06:00

How to Escape A Wild Taxi Ride

1. Claim you have no money. The ride should end immediately.

2. Light a cigarette.

3. Threaten to vomit.

4. Act like you are calling the police or the taxi commission on your cell phone.

5. If the cab stops, run.

6. Jump. Wait until the cap approaches a turn or slows for a light. As the driver brakes, open the door facing the sidewalk. Tuck your chin to your chest, cover your head with your hands or briefcase, and jump out of the car. Roll away from the taxi in a somersault position.

Good advice for the next time I'm in NYC, maybe.

-Chel

Close your mouth when looking up

2008-03-06T10:29:00.004-07:00

On March 3, 1876, a shower of meat chunks, one to four square inches in size, rained down on Bath county in Kentucky. No one was injured by the falling meat, which had the appearance of beef (but tasted more like venison or lamb, according to sources). Numerous studies were done on the meat to ascertain what it was. Though early opinion was that it was no more than some sort of vegetable matter, it was determined that the samples studied were cartilage, lung tissue, and muscle. The final conclusion was that the meat had fallen from buzzards or vultures who vomited their meals while flying overhead.

Yum.

-Chel

Cool

2008-02-12T20:36:00.002-07:00

The other day, I was exasperated with AJ not doing his homework. I think I must have raised my voice a tad, or I sounded a bit too annoyed. AJ came into the dining room table to do his work and said, "You're not cool when you're like that, Mom."

Funny the only thing that came to my mind was a burning question ... Does that mean I'm normally cool?

Sweet!

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-01-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

How to Escape From a Giant Octopus

1. Pull away quickly.

2. If you do not escape, do not go limp. Octopi tire easily, so continue to put pressure on the arms by attempting to swim away.

3. Prevent the octopus's arms from wrapping around your arms.

4. Peel the suckers from your body. Give the octopus a spear, raft, surfboard, or other object to latch on to. Work quickly, before the arms grab you.

5. Detach the octopus from its anchor.

6. Turn somersaults in the water to irritate the octopus.

7. Swim toward the surface.

I don't know about you, but I rather enjoyed this tip. Should come in very handy! However, after watching this video, I'm not so sure I believe it.

-Chel

Survival Tips 101

2008-01-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

How To Survive A Night In Jail

1. Request a single. If you notice an empty cell, ask to be housed there. Do not offer special reasons for wanting a private cell - those factors may work against you if you are later placed in a group cell.

2. Do not show fear. Fear means weakness in jail. If you cannot stop shaking, pretend you are psychologically unsound: Wave your arms around, babble nonsense, and yell at no one in particular.

3. Do not sleep. Sit on the floor with your back to the wall, preferably in a corner of the cell. Do not remove any clothing to use as a blanket or pillow, or you will risk losing the item to other inmates.

4. Keep to yourself. Do not start a conversation with anyone, but do not be rude. Answer any questions you are asked, and keep your responses short.

5. Do not accept favors. Resist the temptation to ask for or accept help.

6. Do not try to escape.

This is for after we survive being stopped by the police while we are waiting for our lawyer. :)

-Chel

Psychosis

2008-01-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

I love it when my food looks at me.

Do you think that make me crazy?

Chelle

Boys

2008-01-21T20:06:00.000-07:00

We splurged and went out to eat tonight. We will be feeling it in our pocketbooks for quite a while. But we enjoyed ourselves.

On our way out of the restaurant, Sam (now 17) held the door open for some people coming out behind us. As we neared the car, AJ (14) yelled back at Sam, still at the restaurant door, "Sam! Come on!"

I said, "He's holding the door open for those people."

AJ said, "Oh! I thought he was just watching those cute girls."

As I was reaffirming to AJ that Sam was really holding the door, Sam came close enough to hear our conversation. AJ told him that he thought he was just watching the cute girls. To which Sam replied, "Well, they were pretty hot."

I'll just keep believing he was being a gentleman ....

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-01-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Some of you may be wondering what is up with these survival tips. Well, generally speaking, these are not based on personal experiences. But sometimes they do offer great advice for those not so common circumstances, or perhaps those rare unlucky times in our lives. I post them here to enlighten, inspire, teach, and sometimes to give us all something to shake your heads at.

The following would be one of those unlucky times in our lives...

How to Outwit A Pack of Wolves

1. Slowly move to solid terrain. In winter, wolves tend to chase their prey into deep snow or onto frozen lakes where hooves sink or slide. Do not crouch down, and do not run. Wolves are capable of bursts of high speed, as fast as 35 mph over short distances.

2. Observe the wolves' posture. A tail straight up in the air and ears pricked up are signals of dominance and often indicate that the wolf is preparing to attack.

3. Charge one member of the pack. Running toward one wolf while yelling may scare it and the other members of the pack away from you.

4. If the wolves continue to attack, throw sticks and rocks at the closest animals. Kick or hit the wolves as they approach you until you scare them off.

....and if that doesn't work, well, say hello to Little Red Riding Hood's grandma.

-Chel

Enough Already

2008-01-13T08:22:00.001-07:00

I was picking up Sam from work last night. We found these in our neighborhood.

We both agree this is a little silly for the middle of January. Maybe we're just humbugs ....

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-01-11T11:55:00.000-07:00

How To Survive If You Are Stopped By The Police

1. Pull over immediately. Put hazard lights on, turn off radio, and cut engine. Roll down window. Keep hands in plain sight. Make sure your passenger's hands are also in view.

2. Address the officer as "officer".

3. Tell the truth. Do not claim you didn't do it (if you did).

4. Don't argue with the officer. Don't give any reason for the officer to take an interest in your case, which may encourage the officer to appear in court (many defendants succeed in court because the officer is not present).

5. Do not admit anything.

6. Contact a lawyer. If you fail any test and are charged, remain silent and call a lawyer.

There. Now we all know how to handle THAT situation.

-Chel

Soccer Kitty

2008-01-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am having trouble with Soccer, Chel's cat. He seems obsessed with my laptop.

I don't think the keyboard is really that much warmer than the table ... but he truly insists on sitting on it.

The only issue with this is that he will change settings, send emails, turn off important programs. All while sitting innocently on my keyboard. He tries to pretend he's unaware, but I know differently.

So I have to pull the top of the laptop down if I walk away, to keep him off the keyboard. This works well. Or so I thought. Like I said ... he is obsessed.

Any ideas?! I mean, I can't do harmful things to him ... Chel kinda likes him ...

Chelle

Survival Tips 101

2008-01-05T10:56:00.000-07:00

How to Treat a Tongue Stuck to a Frozen Pole:

1. Do not pull your tongue off the pole. Pulling sharply will be very painful.

2. Move closer to the pole. Get as close as possible without letting more of your tongue's surface area touch the pole.

3. Warm the pole with your hands. A tongue will stick when the surface of the pole is very cold. The top layers of the tongue will freeze when it touches the pole, causing bonding. Place your gloved hands on the area of the pole closest to your tongue. Hold them there for several minutes. If hot water is available, pour it on the tongue and pole.

4. Take a test pull. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull your tongue away from the pole. You may leave a layer or two of skin on the pole, which will be painful, but your tongue will quickly heal.

-Chel

Interpretation

2008-01-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

Last night (New Year's Eve), we were playing games with my family. We had to be the first one to call out an answer to Harry Potter Scene It. One question showed an image from one of the movies and we had to say what was missing from the scene. It was a picture of a Quiddich field with the three hoops missing. We all called out an answer. As we were deciding who said it first, my 7 year old nephew asked what the right answer was. When we told him it was the hoops, he said, "I said 'tubes'. That means 'hoops' for me", fully expecting us to declare him the winner.

How could we declare it any other way?

-Chel

On Chutzpah

2007-12-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

This is from my "Stupidest Things People Say" calendar. Cracked me up - and reminded me of my clients. LOL

Actual call to 911.

Dispatcher: 911. What's the address of your emergency?

Caller: Can I give you my credit card number over the phone to pay on my warrant?

Dispatcher: What's the offense?

Caller: Credit card fraud.

Chelle

Music Lyrics

2007-12-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

From the song "Crimson and Clover" by Joan Jett:

Wrong Lyric: Christmas is over

Right Lyric: Crimson and clover

It took me a minute to figure out what was wrong with that lyric, cause it's true. :)

Hope everyone had a good one!

-Chel

Christmas Stories

2007-12-25T19:46:00.001-07:00

No, this isn't exactly that happy, magical, feel-good kind of Christmas story. Its yet another one, or two, from my dad's life. If you need to refresh stories from my dad's past, click on the Family Stories label below.

Although there isn't a lot of detail in either of these stories, I think they demonstrate yet again that my dad had a legion of guardian angels following him around 24/7. Sometimes these stories just make you go "hmmmm".

My dad was visiting a friend, and this kid's dad was tired of them just goofing around so he put them to work tarring the tool shed. It was a hot day in August, and they were working with mildly hot/warm tar. Using mops they would dip into the tar and then slurry it all over the roof. Well, boys will be boys, and I'm sure you can guess what happened. One bumped the other and things got out of hand from there. They ended up covered head to toe in the stuff.

How does one remove tar off skin. Well short of simply ripping and scrubbing and scraping the tar along with skin, right off, there are very few ways. The method used in this case was a bath - a pure gasoline bath. Sitting in a tub full of it.

I might opt for the scrubbing and scraping method myself.

The second story requires a picture to do it justice which I don't have access to right now. I'll work on that. In the meantime, don't go playing in any tar.

-Chel

Moral of a Story

2007-12-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

Thought I would post a funny pic ... trying to get back into the swing of blogging again ...

Enjoy!

Chelle

If you ever come across a two-story outhouse ... use the top one.

Music Lyrics

2007-12-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of the season, I thought I'd include a Christmas song mis-sung.

From the traditional song "Jingle Bells":

Wrong Lyric: Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap, and hay

Right Lyric: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh

I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas with your very clean and well fed horse!

-Chel

Speaking of Prison ...

2007-12-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

I am doing a mental health internship at the state prison and am doing a lot of my work in the inpatient program for female inmates. I actually really enjoy it. I get to do individual therapy with them and run a therapy group with a regular caseload of 8 women.

Not surprisingly, not a lot of humor finds its way into my work day. The other day, however, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. We were discussing resistance in group and they were sharing how they resist changing their lives. One woman stated she avoids working so she can stay in a pity mode. This got us on the subject of jobs for a brief moment. This is the conversation that followed:

Brenda to Linda: Have you ever worked at a pharmacy?

Linda, as if everyone does it: No, but I have robbed a pharmacy ...

Maybe I am just finally tainted, but that totally cracked me up.

Chelle

Prison Therapist Injury

2007-12-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

No, probably not what you think. Unless you consider being attacked by a desk what you had in mind.

Chelle and her fellow intern were moving offices today. In the name of being efficient they decided to move the desks by themselves. Chelle's finger got in the way - and got crushed between two desks.

The Dr. called it a tuft fracture. Chelle called it the most painful thing she has ever experienced.

Just Quotes

2007-11-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to make sure you all know we're still alive. So I'll just put some quotes on here that my mom sent me. She actually sent them to me snail mail, since she can't seem to get used to email yet. LOL I may have to tape a few of these around the house ....

I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you.
Behind every superkid is a supermom.
Bratty kids will be sold as slaves, some free!
This house maintained for the benefit of the dog.
Forget the dog, beware of the kid.
Supermom lives here.
I'm the mommy, that's why!
Because it's my kitchen!
M is for mother, not maid.
Thou shalt not whine!
Today's menu: Take it or leave it.
Home sweet home. When not, adjust.
Caution: This room not cleaned by Mom!
Life is only what you make it, so make it beautiful.
One of God's greatest miracles is to enable ordinary people to do extraordinary things.
Do you always want to be right or do you want to be happy?
What you say tells people what you are.
Choose friends carefully, you become what they are. (Not sure I personally agree with this one).
Be brave like Christa McAuliffe, touch the future.
I can be different fro my friends and still be okay.

Chelle

Chelle's Cat

2007-10-31T12:26:00.000-06:00

Popping In

2007-10-25T13:26:00.001-06:00

I know I've been absent. We all know the excuses. But I really wanted to announce something. I lost 4 pounds in 2 and a half weeks! And how I did it is pretty fun, too. It's our early Christmas present - a Wii! It is so dang fun. I can work up quite a sweat with 30 minutes of playing. And I'm consistent because it's something I really enjoy. I think it was quite an amazing investment.

Ok, back to class - I am sure the lecturer thinks I am taking great notes ...

Chelle

Music Lyrics

2007-10-17T09:19:00.000-06:00

Because the house still isn't finished (close, but still in progress), I don't have spiffy new pictures to show everyone. So instead, I'll share this little music lyric with ya'll.

From "Ticket to Ride" by The Beatles:

Wrong Lyric: She's got a chicken to ride

Right Lyric: She's got a ticket to ride

I don't know about you, but that actually sounds kinda fun.

-Chel

Damp Days

2007-10-04T17:47:00.000-06:00

This Saturday was to be the great day! The day of painting. Most of the house is primed and ready for a new, fancy, shiny coat of paint. The only draw back? Rain in the forecast, possibly mixed with snow. ::sigh:: It has been beautiful all week long. I guess the universe has bigger and better plans for me that day. I'll see if I can discover what that is.

Oh well. The house still looks better than it did. And I have Monday and Tuesday off, so I will just prolong my painting days a bit further. I'll post a picture when its all said and done.

-Chel

Painting Prep

2007-09-25T15:23:00.000-06:00

Since Chelle is a couple of months into the last year of her master's program and working two jobs, it leaves it up to me to try and keep this blog moving in some direction or another. So that's what I'm gonna do.

About 2 months ago or so a friend of ours from PA had about a day layover as she flew from CA back home. So she came and hung out with us. She loves to do yard work, and offered to come back sometime when she could spent some time working on a yard project. At first I considered having her help cut down a very large, and dying, evergreen in my front yard. Then I had this brilliant idea to paint my house instead.

My days are such that I have pretty much two entire days during the week where I can work on getting it ready. So I began the tedious effort of scraping the terribly peeling walls. One side took me about 2 1/2 weeks just to get it scraped. Today I finally finished scraping the main house, and am now working on the car port. Then its time to sand a few areas that are in great need of sanding. And the entire thing still needs to be primed. I have two more days to finish it until our friend flies in. I have been doing this pretty much by myself so its been quite a chore. There are teenagers living here of course, and they would be very capable of helping me in so many ways...ya, like I said, I've been doing this pretty much on my own.

I hope there isn't lead in the paint, because I'm sure I've eaten a few paint flecks.

Maybe I should have stuck with removing the tree.

-Chel

Sister's Blog

2007-09-23T15:44:00.000-06:00

My sister has finally decided to try blogging. She's quite new at it, but has quite a little flair for writing. You may enjoy her little stories. Check it out!

-Chel

Fate Smiling Upon Us

2007-09-11T08:07:00.000-06:00

I was cutting up meat and veggies last night for some grilled kabobs. I cut the top off one of the green peppers, and what do you know? It was smiling at me!

I had a hard time cutting it up any further, though in the end, we did eat this green pepper. And we were happy to do so. :)

-Chel

Fun Photo

2007-09-09T14:24:00.000-06:00

Nominee for Man of the Year

Small World

2007-09-05T17:32:00.000-06:00

Wow ... we've been silent a long time, haven't we. I apologize. Masters programs and internships and teenagers take a lot of my time. But I do have a funny experience to share.

In one of my classes, our instructor had us introduce ourselves and where we were from. A woman from the back of the room said she was Cynthia (fake name) and she was from Tehachipi CA. This happens to be where I lived until I was 7 years old, so I decided I'd go talk to her after class, not expecting to have anything in common other than Tehachipi.

After class, I went up to her and said I lived in Tehachipi until I was 7. She said, "Didn't you say in another class you're going to be 41 soon?" I said I did. She said, "I am too!"

Then she asked me if I remembered where I lived when I lived there and I named the street. She said, "Me, too!" We compared notes and found that she lived a block away from me.

I called my mom and told her that I found a girl who lived a block away when I was little and told her the last name. She said she remembered Cynthia and that I played with her when we were little. I do have a vague memory of her ... a little girl playing ball in her driveway ... I wonder if that's really her ...

How strange, huh. And when you think about all the little tiny things that needed to be in place for this little coincidence to take place, it's astounding. Is there some meaning to this, or is this just an interesting happening?

Regardless, cool, huh.

Music Lyrics

2007-08-30T18:05:00.001-06:00

From the song "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac.

Wrong Lyric: When the rain washes, you'll clean your nose

Right Lyric: When the rain washes you clean, you'll know

Well...it was close.

-Chel

Do I Have To?

2007-08-20T21:15:00.000-06:00

Good & Bad

2007-08-09T11:44:00.000-06:00

The good news. I finally have my official degree. I graduated Cum Laude with a Bachelor of Science degree in Social Work and Gerontology. I'm happy about that. I also got my first two master's classes done and have grades for those - both are A. I feel pretty good about it.

The bad news. I have to have two root canals on Tuesday. You'd think after the one I had in January of 2006, I would not have put it off for so long. But I apparently learn my lessons quite slowly. And how to come up with the $800 to pay for my share is beyond me.

So we're just going camping. That will solve everything.

Chelle

Goofy

2007-08-05T18:45:00.001-06:00

So Chel and I were having a discussion during dinner today about some upcoming company. We were discussing what to do with her to entertain her. During this entire conversation, AJ was being ... well ... AJ. He was first a pterodactyl, cool noises and all. Then he was a shark, with noises I never heard associated with a shark before, and attacking his roast pork as if it were prey. Then he was switching chairs off and on while still eating from his place at the table, reaching over to eat from his plate.

So I asked him, "Are you going to be goofy when Licia comes to visit?"

He looked dumbfounded. "Goofy?"

I said, "Yes. Goofy. You're being goofy."

"I am?" He looked even more confused and just stared at me.

I said, "I guess you are" with a laugh.

Music Lyrics

2007-08-03T12:44:00.000-06:00

From the song "Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan.

Wrong Lyric: My sensitive manatee has gone down the drain

Right Lyric: My sense of humanity has gone down the drain

Manatees do seem like such sensative creatures.

-Chel

Third Party

2007-08-02T18:10:00.000-06:00

The other night I was working with a fairly new girl we'll call Maris. She got a phone call from a contract for which we answer after hours lines. The man who called demanded Maris make him an appointment. She calmly explained we can't do that since we are in a different location, the phones have been transferred to us, and we don't have the schedule books. He was livid. Unfortunately, the phones were so busy, she had to put him on hold.

I was done with my calls before she was, so I picked him up. I think the time on hold made him even more irate. He demanded to know what good we were in an emergency. I assured him making an appt is not an emergency. He went on to yell about my uselessness. I ended the call.
Moments later, Maris got a call from the same guy. He let her know that he had informed a third party of our lack of professionalism and hung up. She turned to me and relayed the message, joking that he was such a whiner, the third party was probably his mommy.

About half an hour passed when Maris got yet another call from the contract. Her eyes went wide as she listened, she glanced over at me, and mouthed the words, "Third party." My interest was piqued. She finished the call and explained the scheduling process to Third Party. When she hung up, she looked at me and burst out laughing.

It was his mother.

Funny Kids - part 2

2007-08-01T22:31:00.000-06:00

We were getting ready to eat, and my 7 year old nephew was blessing the food. He got to a point where he wanted to bless us too, so he said, "bless us to be.............[very long pause, I could almost hear his wheels turning]..............[and then it finally came to him]............something." Guess that was the best he could do. :)

My little niece has been watching "Night at the Museum" and there is a scene with Sacajawea in it. She really likes princesses, and Sacajawea is no exception, so she pays attention to that part. But it is, after all, a rather difficult name to say, so for her, it comes out as "Sackinawea" And she loves to say it over and over again.

My youngest niece also loves princesses - she loves and knows, "Bell, Cindalella, and Sleeping Booty".

-Chel

Cleaning Rooms

2007-07-31T12:53:00.001-06:00

So I sent AJ into his room to clean a bit. He is overwhelmed by the task, so I just sent him to put 15 clean clothing items in their drawers. He wondered what if they were dirty. I said, "Put them in the dirty clothes hamper. And no, that doesn't count toward the 15."

Minutes later, I went to check on him - and wish that's when I had the camera. I could only see his feet. The rest of him was in his clothes hamper. No wonder his room is never clean.

Fun kids

2007-07-17T10:35:00.001-06:00

A couple weeks ago, my sister and her two little kids (7 and almost 3) came over to spend the day.
I think they are both cute kids, but the 3 year old is at that stage where she says and does the cutest things.

The first thing she did when she came over and saw my dog, Anna, in the house, was let out a full throated, high-pitched scream. It was so funny. I wanted to laugh, but instead I told her it was ok, that Anna wouldn't hurt her. She didn't like it any time Anna got close to her. She would shimmy away, hide under the overhanging counter top, etc. But by the time the day was over, my niece was thrilled to be able to say that she "petted" (touched with one finer) Anna.

She just got potty trained, and so can go potty on her own now. One time I asked her if she needed to go, and she said yes, so she headed upstairs, but the lights were all off. So she came back down and said "It's darkery up there". So I told her to turn on the "lightery". She went back up, but came back down and told me again "it's darkery". I asked her mom where she got that from, and she just shrugged.

We sat down to eat some lunch, and she just had to sit by me, and then said, "Chel, you're my sweet heart." Awe.

Another time, we were swimming at our neighbors pool. She can't swim yet, but feels comfortable in the water, so with just a little floating water tube-thingy, she does ok. And then I guess she feels like she can stay afloat on her own, so she says "I don't need that". And so we humor her, and take her float away, only to have her promptly sink. We catch her and pull her back up, and first she looks shocked, then just smiles. We give her her float back, she hangs out on that for a while, then again states, "I don't need that." And again, sinks when we take it away. She's very determined, I guess.

I think my niece is so cute and funny. And I think its even cuter that I'm her "sweet heart" and when the lights are off, it's "darkery".

-Chel

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-07-15T12:25:00.000-06:00

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Fun Photo Friday

2007-07-13T03:25:00.000-06:00

Harry Potter RULES!

2007-07-10T13:13:00.000-06:00

Ok, we are big Harry Potter fans here. Some of us bigger fans than others. And no, I don't mean that because Chelle is "heavyset". Sam could take it or leave it. AJ thinks it's pretty cool. Sarah is nearly hooked. Chel loves it. Chelle is the real fan. The collector type fan.

Luckily for Chelle, there are others in the neighborhood just as excited about Harry. Especially this month with the movie coming out and then the book. It's a very exciting month indeed.

So we had a party with some friends from the neighborhood. We were smart and chose the house with the backyard in ground pool for the site of our party. We had a great time. We ate Sloppy Ron's (which were exactly like Sloppy Joe's), chips, butter beer (which was suspiciously like soda with printed wrappers around them), and cookies for dessert. Oh and a salad.

There were prizes for a drawing such as Bertie Bott's All Flavored Beans, Cockroach Clusters, Harry Potter bookmarks, a coloring book, a sticker book, and a movie poster book. Sam won the Cockroach Clusters, but a neighbor girl wanted those more than the bookmark she got, so they traded. Sam didn't mind since he has a cockroach phobia anyway ...

Anyway, we had a great time and we are now even more excited for the Harry Potter events this month! Wish you could all have been there! ;)

Chelle

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-07-08T07:34:00.000-06:00

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."

Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"

Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.

Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."

Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
Witness: "'Winchester'!"

Music Lyrics

2007-07-06T14:42:00.000-06:00

Well, now this one just makes me laugh. To be honest, I hadn't even thought of the wrong lyrics until a friend of mine sang them, knowing full well they were wrong.

From "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival:

Wrong Lyric: There's a bathroom on the right.

Right Lyric: There's a bad moon on the rise.

This is the way I sing these lyrics now, all the time.

-Chel

Fun Photo Friday

2007-07-06T05:52:00.000-06:00

Ghosts

2007-07-05T13:30:00.000-06:00

The other day the kids were watching that show on Discovery channel about ghosts. One of the stories was about a woman infatuated with a photo of a guy who died in Vietnam named Michael. It was interesting and I watched bits and pieces of it. But the gyst of the story was that Michael kept appearing in her house. He'd even show up in her kids' room.

At the end of the show, Sam had to go to work, so I decided to drive him. Sarah wanted to come along. So we go into the garage to get my car, and I think it would be fun to tell them that Michael is in there, but change my mind. I thought I was pretty funny, though. So I open the big garage door to get my car out, Sam gets in the passenger side, and I hear Sarah open and close the car door behind me.

Sure we were all in the car, I look over my left shoulder to make sure I can back up, and there's Sarah standing next to the car. Having been certain she was actually behind me in the car, based on the door opening and closing, I let out a yelp - certain there was a ghost in my garage, standing right next to my car.

Apparently, Sarah had opened the car door and decided she should wait until I pull out of the garage so she could close the big door for me. So then she shut the door and went next to the car to wait for me to pull out.

Oh, I had the biggest laugh over this. Tears running down my eyes all the way to Sam's work. Sam still thinks I'm psycho.

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-07-01T07:09:00.000-06:00

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

The husband asked, "What?"

Fun Photo Friday

2007-06-29T05:30:00.000-06:00

South Dakota

2007-06-28T10:55:00.001-06:00

I thought I'd post some pics of my South Dakota trip. Enjoy.

Chelle

Just an abandoned house

See how long and unending? This is South Dakota. ;)

One of the joys of South Dakota. The sunsets.

A lake near Mt. Rushmore

You can't have South Dakota pics without the faces.

Close up of Washington's eye.

Washington from the side

More of what South Dakota really is. Don't let the Black Hills fool you. A whole lot of nothin.

Black Hills after a fire?

More burned trees

Just another abandoned house

Crazy Horse monument up close

Crazy Horse Monument

Oh, Thanks

2007-06-26T08:52:00.000-06:00

While I was still doing my practicum at the long term skilled nursing facility (a fancy way of saying "nursing home"), I was having a conversation with a patient in his 40's. He'd been shot in the head years previous and it left him physically unable to completely care for himself. It also left his speech difficult. He could speak, but only a few words at a time.

He had just had a haircut that day. He had shoulder length hair, even still, but we were discussing his new cut. I said, "It looks nice and trimmed. Do you like it?"

"No," he said.

I said, "Why not?"

He just shook his head at me.

"Do you wish you had more off of it?" I asked.

"No," he said. "More on."

With that, the other Gerontologist who was standing nearby swung her head toward us and said, "I could have sworn he just called you a moron!"

Thanks a lot.

Chelle

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-06-24T07:08:00.000-06:00

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor. "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

Photo Hunter - Shiny

2007-06-23T03:24:00.000-06:00

Here's our ceiling fan ... shiny on a few counts. I think it turned out kinda cool.

This week's theme - Shiny
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Fun Photo Friday

2007-06-22T06:18:00.000-06:00

My Parents Should Be Dead #3

2007-06-21T18:00:00.000-06:00

Maybe we've all been in a situation like this. Maybe not. Come to think of it, I don't think I have even been in this type of situation. But it just seems like something that would likely happen more often than not...

I'm not sure if mom and dad were married at this point, but they were at least dating. They decided to take a drive up some mountain canyon. This was before SUV's, so they were in their regular old square family car heading up some narrow dirt road, in some remote canyon, somewhere.

As they drove, the road gradually became steeper and steeper, until at some point my dad was sure his little car couldn't make it any further...and there was no place to turn around. What do you do in this situation? Well, turn around anyway, of course.

So slowly, dad backed up, turned the wheels, pulled forward, turned the wheels. There was only one problem with this. The road was so narrow, that if they had gone a little too far one way or the other, they would have rolled off the side of the road. As it was, they were in danger of rolling the car anyway as they slowly turned around, because it was so steep.

To keep the car from toppling over, they had to open both doors on the up-hill side of the car and shift their weight as much as possible to that side. I don't think I'd like that situation all that much, personally.

Of course, they made the turn around eventually without any mishap. Amazing enough, considering we are talking about my dad here. I wouldn't have been surprised if the story had taken another twist, and the car had rolled. But if it had, it would have amazingly righted itself on its wheels, pointing in the direction they needed to go, with no one injured.

-Chel

Appointments

2007-06-18T08:31:00.000-06:00

First, apologies for being somewhat absent here. I took a trip to South Dakota to visit my mom. She's back in the ICU - not because of my visit. It was a good visit. I might post some of the pics of the scenery when I get a chance.

But I have a work story to share. I answer calls sometimes for the hospital our little office is set in. The hospital is a drug and alcohol treatment center and acute psychiatric. I got a call one afternoon from a lady saying she needed an appt for detox. They need to meet with an intake worker before they can come in. I checked the book.

I came back to the phone and said, "I am sorry, the next available appointment is in 4 days."

She said, "That's okay. I can stay drunk that long."

Maybe I'm tainted, but that struck me as quite funny.

Chelle

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-06-17T12:51:00.000-06:00

Today's funny is on another web site. Check it out:

http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

Fun Photo Friday

2007-06-15T05:45:00.000-06:00

They Really Have to be Told?

Fish Heads

2007-06-09T22:01:00.000-06:00

Today was free fishing day in Utah. That means lots of people were out fishing today, and I got to help about 85 kids do just that. Fishing was good. Which means only, well, a few things.

1) Kids were having a great time, and some kids caught their first fish today!
2) There were a lot of fish to clean, which I happily got to help with.
3) Fish smell does not come off hands very easily.

So I spent the whole of the morning and afternoon cutting, pulling out fish guts, and covering my hands in fish smell - washing my hands to no avail - and doing it again, and again, and again. Kids loved it! What is it about blood and guts that gets kids all excited? I guess maybe the same things that gets them excited about animal scat.

Kids are fun. And they don't care if they smell like fish guts.

-Chel

Fun Photo Friday

2007-06-08T06:23:00.000-06:00

Nominee for Man of the Year

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-06-03T07:16:00.000-06:00

Never Argue With A Woman Who Reads

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, Isn't that obvious?)

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. "I'll have to
take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," he said then left her to her reading.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Identity Crisis

2007-06-02T13:50:00.000-06:00

This one's even funnier when you add family dynamics to the story. Let's see if I can tell it all without making it too complicated.

Dad calls last night to tell me Mom is in the ICU. Then he does his normal, "Don't worry, she'll be fine" routine. He also tells me nothing. No reason for the visit, no condition is described, nothing the doctor has said is repeated. Any questioning I have leads him to accuse me of being nosy. His words. So somehow, any information I seek brings him to a place of feeling like I doubt his ability to take care of things. He tells me I worry too much and when it's time to worry about something, he'll tell me. I worry anyway.

Last night after I talked to Dad, I called my older sister, thinking maybe she has a secret way to get more information from Dad. She doesn't, and she thinks I worry too much, too. We don't have the best relationship anyway, and I always sense my personality and way of thinking is incredibly foreign and uncomfortable for her.

I worked a grave last night and so slept when I came home. When I woke up, I saw caller ID listed my sister calling once, then my dad, then my sister again. Worried, I called my dad first. He said things were fine, Mom's still in ICU, then he tried to tell me more info, and it seemed quite uncomfortable for him. The info was still quite vague: "Some level is too high, but she'll be fine." But I thought it odd he was making an attempt, even through obvious discomfort.

I then call my sister who says she was worried about me because when we talked last, I didn't seem like myself. I said, "I was fine last night." She said, "No, I mean this morning when I called." I told her I never talked to her and was asleep the whole morning. She said, "I talked to you for 10 minutes this morning. Had a whole conversation with you about mom. You just didn't sound like yourself." I had a hard time convincing her she did not talk to me.

AJ had actually answered the phone when she called. His 13-year old voice apparently sounded just like mine. He talked to my sister for 10-minutes, not once letting her in on the fact that she was not talking to who she thought she was. She even said things like, "You don't sound like my sister" and "Are you sure you're okay, you sound different." Why he didn't let her in on the secret for that amount of time is beyond me.

But the chain reaction was started. My sister was so worried she considered calling 9-1-1. She instead called my dad and told him he needed to call me and give me more info because I wasn't dealing well with things. So then he again thinks I worry too much and am just nosy, and is forced to call me to tell me more so I don't have some nervous breakdown.

Come to find out, AJ was so distracted by his computer game while he was talking to my sister, he had no idea who he was talking to. When she asked to speak to Sarah, he thought it must be my mom. I am not sure when he figured out it was my sister ... but one thing is for sure, she never figured out it was AJ.

But I've called everyone and explained why "I wasn't myself" when Sister called earlier. Apparently I was AJ. And no one needs to worry about me. They're all having a good laugh about it - I hope.

And AJ is banned from answering the phone if he is playing a computer game.

Chelle

Music Lyrics

2007-06-01T16:33:00.000-06:00

There are some songs, that even when you know the correct words, you still sing them wrong. I think this will be the case with me on this song...though my wrong lyrics are a bit different than those shown here.

From "Blinded By the Light" by Manfred Mann's Earth Band.

Wrong Lyric: She ripped up her douche in the middle of the night.

Right Lyric: Revved up like a deuce/Another runner in the night.

('33 Ford Deuce Roadster)

Oh! That's what it says!

-Chel

Fun Photo Friday

2007-06-01T02:48:00.000-06:00

How Do You Spell ...

2007-05-30T07:05:00.000-06:00

AJ has been fascinated with the German language of late. His favorite response to our requests is "nein!" Silly boy.

The other day, though, during Sunday School, of all places ... he asked his teacher, "How do you spell 'no' in German?"

The funny teacher replied, "n - o - i - n - g - e -r -m - a - n".

AJ looked at him in shock, "Really!? Can you spell it again!?"

The teacher did so another full time before AJ got it ...

Chelle

My Dad Should Be Dead #8 (along with me and my siblings)

2007-05-28T11:31:00.000-06:00

Happy Memorial Day. I have another story about my dad to tell you all.

This story takes place on a lake, once again. We spent a lot of time on lakes, in boats, water skiing. We had been boating when a little storm blew in, so we pulled off onto some random beach to wait it out. Once it had passed, my dad loaded me, my older brother and younger sister back into the boat, and made us sit on the floor rahter than in the seats because the water was still a bit choppy, and he didn't want any of us to fall out. We were pretty young.

So there we were, back out on the lake. My dad looked out over the whole lake, and there wasn't a soul in sight. (Isn't that just a formula for trouble?) Dad hit the throttle, and off we went. I honestly don't remember this story, so I'll have to tell it from my dad's point of view. As he was driving, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye - a boat, pulling a skier, with the driver looking behind him at his skier, heading for a t-bone collision with us.

He saw us just after Dad saw him. Dad cranked the boat a hard right, as this guy cranked his boat a hard left. As we were pulling hard right, this other guys boat engine came up out of the water and passed right over the side of our boat. He was going fast, so it nearly put his boat on its side. Amazingly we didn't collide. The boats missed each other literally by inches. Had my dad not noticed him, or if he had noticed us just a few seconds later, he would have broad-sided us at full speed and ripped our boat in half.

Dad was pretty white and shakey after that. So we just headed for the dock, and pulled our boat in. Apparently it scared this other guy just as bad, because he was pulling his boat out at the same time. They just looked at each other, my dad wiped his brow symbolically, and the other guy just nodded.

My dad has almost used up his 9 lives. And there's still more to come.

-Chel

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-05-27T08:47:00.000-06:00

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

From site: http://www.lucidcafe.com/library/pearls.html

Photo Hunter - Colorful

2007-05-26T12:09:00.000-06:00

This week's theme - Colorful

Fun Photo Friday

2007-05-25T03:47:00.000-06:00

Say "Acorn!"

Personality

2007-05-23T16:20:00.000-06:00

So I did this personality quiz at Queendom.com. Here's what it said about me.

What's yours?

Chelle

AMPM (Personality Profile)

Based on the Five Factor Model credited to Goldberg, Costa and McRae, the Advanced Multidimensional Personality Matrix (AMPM) is a comprehensive personality assessment designed to provide you with valuable insight into your character, aptitudes, and disposition.

The AMPM is based on the theory that all human personality traits belong to one of five broad dimensions of personality. Below the summary report, you will find a detailed personality report, including an advice section and your scores on the thirty-seven distinct personality traits.

Your Personality Type:
Altruist

Your genuine concern for the people and community around you makes you the Altruist. Your conscientiousness, outgoing nature, and compassionate attitude do not allow you to stand idly by in the presence of any kind of injustice. You are a magnet, attracting those seeking direction, advice, and a role model. When people turn to you for help, you reflect thoughtfully on the issues at hand, and don't give up until you reach some kind of insight or creative solution. You aren't always open to change, but you are a hard worker and you place your efforts into producing concrete results. Your interactions with others are characterized by warmth and caring, and your empathy and altruism do not go unnoticed. Your emotional stability and ability to give to others are gifts.

I'm getting there...

2007-05-22T22:24:00.000-06:00

I swear I'm going to post something soon. I promise. In fact, right now I'm working on anther "My Dad Should Be Dead" story. And this one also includes me and 2 of my siblings. Should be good. But I don't have time to finish it right now, and tomorrow isn't looking good either...:) But I will get to it. I promise. You'll love it!

Right now I need to go take a shower and wash the smell of pizza and bleach off me. Such a lovely aroma. But tips were pretty good tonight, so it helps pay for the gas it takes to deliver all those pizzas. Such a contradiction. Deliver pizzas to help pay for a few extra things, including gas, and have to use MORE gas to do it.

Ok, I guess that's all for now. I just had to contribute to this blog of ours. Chelle was starting to think I had bailed on her.

-Chel

?

2007-05-21T18:37:00.000-06:00

Here's a quick story from the nursing home. I greeted a resident one morning and they responded in a way I didn't expect, therefore I didn't understand what they said.

"What'd you say?" I asked.

They looked at me like I was crazy and repeated themselves. "Ooopsie doopsie do!"

Oh. Now I understand.

Chelle

Silly Sunday Stuff

2007-05-20T07:10:00.000-06:00

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

She Says It's Pretty Dumb

On We Go!

Hands

Gratitude

Survival Tips 101

What!?

Teeth & Thumbs

Signs

Survival Tips 101

Holiday

More Posts

Random

Survival Tips 101

Driving School

Birthdays

Home Alone Revisited

Practical Meets Teen

Water

Survival Tips 101

Confusion

Listening

Fun Photo Friday (on Saturday)

Bravery?

Loving Exchange

Fun Photo Friday

Another Odd Conversation

New Goals

Practical

Ghosts

Survival Tips 101

Close your mouth when looking up

Cool

Survival Tips 101

Survival Tips 101

Psychosis

Boys

Survival Tips 101

Enough Already

Survival Tips 101

Soccer Kitty

Survival Tips 101

Interpretation

On Chutzpah

Music Lyrics

Christmas Stories

Moral of a Story

Music Lyrics

Speaking of Prison ...

Prison Therapist Injury

Just Quotes

Chelle's Cat

Popping In

Music Lyrics

Damp Days

Painting Prep

Sister's Blog

Fate Smiling Upon Us

Fun Photo

Small World

Music Lyrics

Do I Have To?

Good & Bad

Goofy

Music Lyrics

Third Party

Funny Kids - part 2

Cleaning Rooms

Fun kids

Silly Sunday Stuff

Fun Photo Friday

Harry Potter RULES!

Silly Sunday Stuff

Music Lyrics

Fun Photo Friday

Ghosts

Silly Sunday Stuff

Fun Photo Friday

South Dakota

Oh, Thanks

Silly Sunday Stuff

"Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over
50 Years To Learn" by Dave Barry